| Tommorow, Tommorow |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|05:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Twista - Sunshine | ] |
It's only a day away. I feel so unacomplished with what I need to have done. But im pretty much ready. Maybe Im losing it. Probably already lost it. Such is life.
Spending today with my dad. He's been giving me this 'Last few days with his only kid left' thing all week. So I called off my last day of work to spend it with him. Been an okay day so far though. The thing that gets me is my step-sister is still here. I know its not quite the same, but damn Im not a little kid anymore. I need to go out, and find the world for myself. This, however, is not my world. This is a bitterly cold state of waste.
So back to seattle. 8 days until that. A mere 26 hours until my love arrives in Detroit. Much rejoice will take place.
So here I sit, unemployed, in debt and somehow happy. Hoorah for love.
Piece |
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| Live Journal is hectic |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|01:15 am] |
I don't understand. This shit is soo involved. The worst part is im sober... Fuck. That's pitiful. I function better on something. But I don't do 'drugs' right now... I need to get a full time job. most give UA's... can't afford to fail that...
My happiness arrives tommorow. Im fuckin stoked.
Piece |
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| Today is the day |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|06:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  beaming | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Marcy Playground - Ancient walls of flowers | ] |
The countdown begins today, 10 days left. hoorah! Im friggin stoked. My sweetheart will be in my arms in a few short days.
My room is staged, all i have left is washing clothes, cleaning out my car, and repacking a bit. Almost home... almost home.
Meh |
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| What a day |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|09:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nine Inch Nails - The Wicked | ] |
Today was miserable for the most part. I have spent 9 of my 11 waking hours at work. I had one thrity minute lunch... about an hour into my shift. So im exhausted. I was supposed to get out after seven hours but they needed me to stay over as one of my coworkers didn't show up. So I agreed to cover 'some' of his tasks. I didn't really dress for the frigid temperatures of michigan so I was told I wouldn't have to do his outdoor tasks. Guess what, I did! Im livid. The guy they were gonna have cover that also didn't show up today. So they wanted me to stay another hour. I made some shit up and left. I was not about to get pneumonia or something over the menial wage they afford me. Especially with no insurance.
My love is having a horrid day beyond the likes of mine, but she is the only one that will probably read this so theres not much point writing it. C'est la vie.
I love her. No matter what... In fact I wrote something for her today.
Im gonna go intoxicate myself into a pleasant stupor.
Piece |
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| ... and it's been awhile |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|09:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Bliss | ] |
| [ | music |
| | HiM (lots of songs, its a long post) | ] |
So I know no one reads this. Probably because I don't give anyone the address to it. I use it more as a rare occasion to vent to someone other than my pipe or pack of smokes. However reality is far from what once was.
Where to begin. I had made mention of breaking up with my girlfriend in a long since past post. Long since did that, then got back together with her, then broke it off... again.
Im not moving to Lansing. The setup I had for a job fell through, and my home will no longer be there as she is moving out of state in the next 6 months or so. Not much point.
I finally got to return to Washington. I had the epiphony of my life. Somewhat troubling as it was the one thing I really wanted to prevent myself from doing, but I realized that Washington has always been and will always be my home. I found that state of mind.
My first night there I ate more mushrooms than I ever have in the past. I knew I did the entire night too. It was beyond intense. While in this state of mind I witnessed old friends and acquaintences and new friends and acquaintences in a new years eve intoxication-fest. It was glorious.
None of this holds candle to the glory of one who I 'met' (I'll explain momentarily). I'll just start by saying that I was tripping balls and she was drunk as they come. Probably not the best way to start this eh?! But hey, I don't want to lie, especially as I, and she are the only ones that will have this address unless she is to share it with others (which is fine with Mike *YES IN THIRD PERSON* ).
I digress... After a fairly dramatic and *cliche* night (as dick might say), she came to be lying in my lap. She had this very sorrowful look in her eyes. It truely made me want to cry. We ended up cuddling and I slept in her bed that night (Adendum, I didn't sleep because of the shrooms, and I didn't sleep with her in the 'hooking up' sense. I layed with her). The entire experience held an aesthetic quality that I very much appreciated.
We spent the next several days, even though I was with family, text messaging and talking on the phone. We came to know one another quite well. Over those same few days I also had the afore mentioned epiphony. Which brings me back to the term 'met' I used earlier.
She and I have actually known each other for around 8 years. Though I can't really call what we had much more than being casual acquaintences. A few distinct memories from those glorious days of innocence and intoxication respectively.
Back to where I was, I kind of abandoned some of my other friends in order to spend more time with her... I felt bad, but since Im moving back Im really not going to beat myself up about it. In those last two days I did something I've never done before, well not so quickly anyways. I fell in love.
It was almost impossible not to tell her, but I was not sure of how she felt and I did not want to scare her away. I know now she felt the same. The same day I left, I told her. Though I was home. It kind of makes me feel like I am twelve again and too afraid to tell a girl I like her. Except I was more or less the same person then... Just a little more naive and not quite as perma-high. Once again, I digress...
Since then I have made all necessary arrangments for my move, she is coming to see me in 17 days. I cannot hardly wait. I want so badly to hold her and be held *Look at me, not to macho to admit feelings, *cheer** . I have been counting the hours for nearly three weeks. For goodness sakes I've only been home for three weeks. What does that say about me?!Im in LOVE! *Cheers again*
My life is okay. Im gonna go get intoxicated and await my phone call. Today Im on 3.5 hours of sleep and Im friggin exhausted. I would kill to saw a log about now...
So for now,
Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease
Smoke crack with Jesus, amen
and last but not least...
SwamP |
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| Surely I jest |
[Oct. 11th, 2004|10:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Candlebox - Blinders | ] |
Sometimes I wonder when too much is too much. Today has been fairly odd. I came to the subtle realization that I should break up with my girlfriend. I don't have time for it anymore. Not to say I don't care for her, but my hectic schedule simply does not allow me the convienience of it. This aside from the fact that we are both aware that my moving next summer will likely end our coupling. So now I have to figure out what gentle means. My previous attempts have turned out somewhat badly... So to speak. Of my list of ex's (seems to be growing...) I still happily talk to only one. So I hope this is a chance to make it two.
On a different note, I hate politics. In all of the time I've spent watching debate (formal preferably) I have never witnessed a more tasteless one (or two). This campaign trail is pathetic. I don't want to vote for either of them. I wonder if the scorched earth party has a canidate... Bless any party whose sole stance is that problems should be dealt with by beating them with a lead pipe. We need a new government. Reform party you may have my vote.
Democracy is the furthest from what we have. I once thought, oh no we just have Representative Democracy... No. We are a republic. Maybe with the advent of technology it would be feasable to enable a pure democracy. To the effect of creating electronic public polling locations and eliminating the legislative branch... Won't happen though. We need lawyers. So in turn, perhaps I'll become one. I'll be part of the system and do everything in my power to change it for the better. Of course If I do that I'll end up taking my own job away... C'est la vie.
Fuck it
Piece |
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| Thus it begins |
[Oct. 10th, 2004|11:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejuvenated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | HiM - Poison Girl | ] |
Somewhere between boredom and the desire to express myself upon another medium I have found this. So it begins. As to avoid lengthy and generally drab stories I will start with the events of today. I worked... Hooorah. Then I proceeded to squander what little time I have that can be considered free. It was great. I was actually able to relax today. First time in months.
On we go. I am planning a trip to Lansing this coming weekend. Should be most interesting. I spent last weekend there as well. I met some interesting and wonderful people on that adventure. We had a fantastic party in which my dear friend Randi's friend Murphy was teaching me to swing dance. Most of the crowd she is around out there are people she met in the local theatre or the acting classes she takes at Lansing Community College. Murphy is one of them. He is very flamboyantly gay. Which was most amusing (not in any durogatory sense). I had the time of my life. Im still on somewhat of a mental buzz of the great time I had while there. I cannot wait to return.
I plan to move their next summer. Should be loads of fun. I am going to attend Michigan State next fall to finish my bachelors degree in philosophy. Again, hoorah.
Off I go for tonight. Piece |
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swampwanderer's journal